Involuntary Rerouting

Home from the travels. 7 cities in 14 days. Oh baby.

I'll give a highlight (or two) of each one:
Belfast - Protestant Parade. Me, "Are we here on a national holiday?". Catholic hotel concierge, "I don't get it and I don't care." Alright then. There's a crazy history there.
Galway - Cliffs of Insanity aka Cliffs of Moher. That's pronounced mo'hair. But really. It was beautiful. Oh and GILZEAN. So glad he came :)
Dublin - Harry Potter 6. Yeah Ron. And I'll be transferring to Trinity College soon.

Rome - My favorite city by far. Everything was incredible, but St. Peter's Basillica stunned me.
Florence - Sunset at Piazza Micheangelo overlooking the city. And David, of course.
Venice - Aimlessly wandering through the narrow cobblestone streets that dead end into water. Bliss.
Cortona - Anna and Brit's (and all the students) art exhibition. And the endless hours of conversation over cappuccino and gelato.

Then when we got to the airport to go home, we found out they overbooked our flight and we didn't make it on. We got a flight coupon for a direct Delta flight the next day. The reason stated on the ticket? "Involuntary Rerouting." Hah. Yeah, I'd say. I could write out all the clever lessons me and Paige decided we could learn from that phrase, but really I want to write out my thoughts from St. Peter's Basillica. Sorry it took me so long to get to the point. Good writers are only supposed to focus on one subject at a time. Whoops.

Standing in Vatican City with our tour guide, she prepared us for what we would see inside the Church. She promised we would step in and say, wow. Usually when people tell me that my immediate reaction is, well now I probably won't. But walking in, I laughed out loud because the only word that would come to my mind was wow. I don't know how to describe it. I could have stared at the infinite amount of intricate sculptures and the majestic golden linings on the walls for hours. Everything in there was precious, and I don't mean cute. I mean cherished, treasured. Everything had meaning. There wasn't a stone laid by accident. And we were in the Eternal City.

After walking around, I just stood up against one of the pillars, lisening to the voices of a choir singing as Mass began. Wondering at the majesty of it all, I started to think about how I could never create a place like that. I have neither the skill, power nor money. I cannot offer the Lord anything that majestic. We could sit around and debate all day whether or not the Basillica actually honors Him, but my point is that even if I wanted to, I could not in that way.

What I have to offer is my life, my heart. I want my heart to be decorated as preciously, gloriously and purposefully for Him. I want to dedicate and decorate my life beautifully and thoughtfully for Jesus. It takes time. I can't take the easy road and shortcuts as I love to do in every class I've ever taken. It means sanctification, allowing my sins to be revealed and truly turning away from them. I want my life to be a masterpiece for Jesus. I have to develop the skill of having my life glorify Him. It won't be easy, and it will only be by His grace and Spirit.

Bring it on, senior year.

A Letter

Dear God,

I feel like I'm missing out on what's going on in Your Kingdom right now. And it's my fault. What's the matter with me? Is it because I feel as though I don't need you? Following You is really hard in America, where because we're free it's 'easy.' When does loving your family become a bad thing? It's the only thing stopping me from moving away and being a missionary. And do I really love them? Not enough to ask the hard questions, or to give the sometimes hurtful truth. I know what I should do constantly and then don't. I'm so weak. Again, I want to blame it on America and not really 'needing' You at all times, but the truth is, it's my sinful heart. My sinful heart wants to be lazy and not have to work hard at a relationship. 'You want me to do what???' I ask. 'But I already had to confess that lie and ask for forgiveness for that hurtful thing I said. I have to do it again?' I don't want to. I just don't want to, because I love comfort more than I love You. And until I decide otherwise, I will sit in misery. I will constantly know I am missing out on Your movement and Kingdom on this earth that I have loved being a part of this past year. I have so much room to grow. God, I have so much to learn. I am stinkin' worthless without You. My pride shows up in the craziest places. Sometimes I disguise it as 'self-respect' but I almost wish I didn't have any right now. It disgusts You; I know it does. Like how I don't want to post this letter to You for anyone else to read, but because of that I must. You are the only Love that has broken through my pride -- please continue to do so. My only plea can be for You to open my eyes even more to your crazy Love. Your crazy, sacrificial, perfect, romantic, words-can't-even-describe, Heavenly, dying love that I will never be able to fully grasp or give. That is what will break me down once again. Break me down into a radical for You who can't wait to get back to spend more time with You. Teach me what I know I'm missing. Show me Your Kingdom. Show me Your love, though I don't deserve it. I am miserable without it.