Addict

ad·dic·tion
əˈdikSHən/

n: a condition that results when a person ingests a substance or engages in an activity that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health
synonyms: dependency, dependence, habit, problem 



Addiction.


Not my favorite word in the dictionary.

Sure, people can be addicted to things that are perfectly harmless - like coffee, college football or a smart phone. Or people can be addicted to far more destructive things - like alcohol, drugs, pornography, sex, gambling, tobacco, theft, food or money.


Here is what I don’t like about addiction:

The idea of being out of control.

Unable to stop, no matter how bad you know it is for you.

Something that drew you in as pleasurable ... turning on you and enslaving you.

The guilt that comes along with being an addict.


One of the best descriptive paragraphs about addiction I’ve ever read actually comes from the Bible. Paul, one of the New Testament’s biggest heroes, paints the picture in Romans 7:

15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good . . .
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway . . .
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am!

I’ve always been horribly fascinated with this passage of Scripture. Paul, possibly the most famous Christian ever, a man who risked his life to tell the message of Jesus over and over and over, writes the perfect description of an addict. And he’s writing about himself. In present tense. And he wasn’t addicted to alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, or any of the other “well known biggies”...

He is talking about a sin addiction.

Paul doesn’t get specific, but if he’s talking about things that go against God’s law, he’s talking about things like - lying, cheating, lusting, selfishness, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, pridefulness, unkindness, jealousy, idolatry, bitterness, greediness, etc.

According to Paul’s definition of an addict, who isn’t one? Sometimes we talk about drug addicts like they’re “poor lost souls”who got into the wrong stuff and didn’t have enough self control to get out early. All the while we don’t have the self awareness to see that we are in the same predicament as they are - out of control with sin, unable to help ourselves.

I personally resonate with Paul’s description of himself so much. I know exactly what it’s like to know the right thing to do, be set and determined to do the right thing, only to ultimately falter. I know exactly what it’s like to be determined to forgive someone because I know it’s what God does for me, only to harbor bitter feelings when the time actually comes. I know exactly what it’s like to be ready to say “I’m sorry” to someone that I’ve wronged, only to let my pride get the best of me when we have a conversation. I know exactly what it’s like to tell a “harmless white lie” out of convenience, even though Scripture is clear that God hates lies. I know exactly what it’s like to idolize someone and worship them instead of God when that goes against the first and second commandments.

Paul and I are sin addicts. How about you?

And what do we do about it?

This is actually the point I’m really trying to make in this writing. Something dawned on me the other day. I think recovering addicts who go through a program like AA or NA or FA understand something about life better than the rest of us do. I think we sin addicts have a few things to learn from them. Let’s take a look at the 12 steps to recovery presented by AA (and used by other such recovery groups):

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I realize that I am not the first person to suggest that these steps have the gospel written all over them. But now I’m looking at them through the lens that I, too, would benefit from these steps. Admitting I can’t do life well on my own, asking for God’s help, taking a great moral inventory of myself, confessing my sins to Him and others, praying for God’s power to overcome the sin addiction, and spreading the message to others.

Paul had it figured out a couple thousand years ago. Here’s a continuation of the passage in Romans 7, into 8:

Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord . . . And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to  save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.

The answer to recovery from a sin addiction is to know Christ, Paul says. And anyone who follows Christ will quickly recognize the similarities between what He asks of us - acknowledge our need of Him, confess our sins, ask for forgiveness, prayer - and the 12 steps presented by AA.


There are two other important things recovering addicts know:

1. Going through the steps is not a one time deal. You don’t go through the steps once and magically become healed. You are a recovering addict for the rest of your life. You repeat the steps over and over. Otherwise, you dangerously run the risk of falling back into an active addiction. So for me, “confession to God at conversion to Christianity” was not enough. Continual moral inventory, confession and prayer is needed to keep me out of my sin addiction. Oh, why is that so hard?


2. You cannot stay clean alone. Not forever anyway. You need the support of other recovering addicts. You need the encouragement, support and constant reminders of why you’re staying sober. You need it often. So for me, Christian community is imperative. Meeting with other Christians, being AUTHENTIC/SPECIFIC about personal struggles and giving/receiving encouragement is the only way I’ll stay anywhere near clean of the sins that lurk in my heart. Again, not easy.



Whatever makes me think that I can follow God’s law on my own or in a lackadaisical way is ridiculous. I should know myself better than that by now. I am not self-sufficient. I need God’s help for my sin addiction. I need His help while I’m on earth, and ultimately, I need His help to make it to Heaven. Without Him forgiving and covering my sins, I wouldn’t get there. And I need other people’s help while I’m on earth. Sin is sneaky, dark, deceptive, tantalizing and often subtle. It’s too tricky for me to fight on my own. I need a team.


Will I recover from my sin addiction? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ my Lord.

Two > One

Earlier this week I read an e-mail that asked, “What if it’s not who you marry, but why? What if God designed marriage to make us holy rather than make us happy? What if it’s about finding a ‘sole mate’ - someone to walk through your spiritual journey with?”

Those questions were so refreshing to me. Refreshing because they resonated as truth. If marriage isn’t about making me happy, then it’s okay if I’m not happy every second in marriage. If it’s not about who I marry, then it frees me from ever making comparisons. If it IS about finding someone to walk through this Kingdom life with, that sounds glorious to me. If it IS about making me more holy, sign me up. (Oh wait, I already did :) )

Two are better than one for all sorts of reasons. Two brings comfort, laughter, encouragement, friendship, teamwork, safety, support. But the most important thing two can do better than one is follow Christ. [Now I genuinely don’t just mean this in marriage - this applies to friendships, churches, family members, anywhere that 2 or more believers come together. In fact, I think that in that whole first quote, the words “friendship” or “the church” could be substituted for “marriage.”] Scripture tells us time and again that believers cannot follow God alone. We are weak - prone to temptation, prone to doubt. That is why we need each other. We need another’s reminder of faith when ours is flailing. We need another’s perspective when ours is dark. We need another’s prayer when we cannot pray.

When the purpose of marriage is put into perspective for me, it makes me so much more content. Marriage is not ultimately about giving me what I want, making me happy, or satisfying me. It is ultimately about pushing my spouse towards Christ and loving him as Christ does. And that goal is not only one that I can get excited about, but one that I can actually achieve. With His help.


Brent, you bless me. My God, thank You for him. May our marriage reflect You always.

Preach it, teacher. ... take 2

In this process of updating my blog, I'm posting several things I've written for other blogs. I wrote this about 9 months ago - 

 "What's so great about teaching?"

Gosh, I’m not even sure. But there’s nothing better to me job-wise than walking away from a class feeling like they really grasped the concept I was trying to get across. The day a student told me I made a great analogy when I had made it on the fly literally changed my day. Wait wait, start over, maybe this is what it is.

I really love to learn. Really, really love to learn. I think learning is fascinating, exciting, worth my time. And I like teaching in a way that makes other people discover that learning can be all those things to them, too. Sometimes students need to be challenged, sometimes they need to be encouraged, sometimes they need to be taught something that will simply blow their minds. Learning takes discipline, and in this culture we don’t like discipline very much, but the payoff is incredible.

The world is the best. But seriously. There’s so much to know … see … discover. I think it’s because there’s so much to know, see, and discover about God. He’s the best. He created the world and the people who live in it. That makes sociology and psychology intriguing. That makes physics brilliant and mind-blowing. That makes history important. That makes literature expressive. That makes art creative and beautiful. That makes music passionate. That makes athletics heart-pounding. He created it all. And He is the most creative Creator there will ever be.

I think every subject studies a facet of His character. Learning about Him and His Creation (or the creations of His creation - like literature, architecture, music, etc.) is simply transfixing. If I’m not communicating that as a teacher, I’m not doing my best. Learning should not be dull. It takes hard work sometimes (a lot of times), but it should not be dull. One thing is for certain - God is not dull. It is my privilege to do my best to reflect that in every single class period.

 

Preach it, teacher.

In this process of updating my blog, I'm posting several things I've written for other blogs. I wrote this about 9 months ago -

People are so skeptical of authority these days. Maybe they’ve always been skeptical of authority, but it seems to be getting worse. This makes the job of teaching tricky. “Why should I care?” “Why do we have so much homework/so many tests?” “I’ll never need to know this when I’m older” are questions and comments that have to be subliminally answered in every class period.

I’m always trying to prove to my students why what they’re learning and how they’re learning matters. And I always want to make sure that it’s true - that I’m not wasting their time - that what I’m communicating will better them in some way - that they will be smarter, more informed, a better critical thinker, a better problem solver, better at a certain skill by the end.

A prime example: I am teaching my health class about STD’s tomorrow. My opening line comes from a pastor in Seattle, Mark Driscoll: “Is sex gross, a god or a gift?” I want them to know I’m not trying to scare them out of having premarital sex. I’m not trying to use my authority to make sure they “behave.” No, I’m not trying to communicate tomorrow that sex is gross. I am a firm believer that sex is a gift, a beautiful gift. However, STD’s (or STI’s) are real and affect a great number of sexually active individuals. They range in severity everywhere from curable by antibiotics to deadly. And most teenagers can throw around the words “chlamydia” and “syphilis” without really having any idea what they do to your body. I want my students to be informed, intelligent human beings on the subject.

People always want to know why. Heck, I always want to know why. If I can’t see a good reason, I don’t want to do it. Because of that, I always want to have an applicable answer to the question, “Why are we doing this?” (Note: a close relative to the question, “Who cares?”). Students may not have the humility, foresight or perspective to always agree with my answer, but I want to be confident that it is valid. If it continues to pay off in the classroom (much like a coach who continually pushes his team towards perfection), I hope to get the students on my side, working hard for me and with me.

Law & Grace - A Speeding Ticket

This is another old-school post from Christ Community's blog, but this story is also worth the re-visit:

It’s Rachael Mirabella here, part of the second year Protege team at Christ Community. I want to tell you a real-life story that developed over the past couple months for me. It’s a story about the law and grace, and I hope it’s encouraging to you:

The story begins as I was driving home in mid-August from one of our youth group girl’s homes in Madison County. It was the afternoon, and I was headed back to my house after the day’s work with not a lot on my mind. All of a sudden, I saw flashing lights in my rear window and heard a siren. ‘Why am I being pulled over?’ I wondered aloud to myself. I checked my speedometer – only going 5 miles over the speed limit. ‘Well, good thing I just got my new license in the mail yesterday.’ My old license had been expired for 3 weeks.

When the officer approached my window, he asked the typical question, ‘Do you know why I pulled you over today?’ ‘No, I really don’t,’ I replied honestly. He told me: ‘You’re in a school zone and driving 15 miles over the speed limit.’ His words hit hard. To be honest, my first thought was that since I’m living off support, this felt like worse-case scenario. I don’t have money to just throw around for being irresponsible.

My first response was to ask for a favor. ‘Sir, I genuinely had no idea I was in a school zone. Is there any way I could get away with just a warning?’ You see, I was passing Athens Christian School that day. If you’ve never seen the school before, it’s set about a hundred yards behind a line of trees on Hwy 29. Granted, there’s a sign right off the road for the school and a flashing light saying ‘School Zone’, but in my lackadaisical mood and missing the typical signs for a school (like a building you can see), I was totally unaware. 

Anyway, in short, his answer was no to my favor. He dropped my speed by 1 mph so I wouldn’t get any points on my license, then wrote me a ticket and sent me on my way. Driving home, I was unbelievably frustrated. I felt deserving of grace. ‘I really didn’t know I was in a school zone! I can’t believe he wrote me a ticket.’ But before I even made it home, it hit me … I did deserve the ticket. Whether or not I was aware of my breaking the law, I was breaking it. I owed the debt. So I decided to learn a good lesson – being judged under the law is awful; I don’t want to take for granted that in life, grace is mine in Jesus and I am no longer judged under God’s law. ‘Good takeaway, I suppose,’ I thought. But fortunately that’s only half of the story.

I kept putting off paying the ticket because I simply didn’t want to pay it. I knew it was due sometime in October, so I forgot about it all through September. For whatever reason, as the due-date approached, I continued to avoid paying it. Finally, four days after it was due, I got the ticket out to pay it online. Total amount due: $220. Way more than I expected. $170 for speeding in a school zone, and $50 for the late fee. ‘I am a fool,’ I thought, and ‘This would happen on a day when I feel especially connected to the Lord.’

A mere twenty minutes later, something incredible happened. I received an e-mail that read like this: “Your payment has been REJECTED.” ‘Oh no, what did I do wrong?’ I wondered. When I opened the e-mail, I was shocked by what I read. There was no record of my citation under the number I had entered or by my name and birthdate. Since the court date had passed, the case was considered closed and they would refund my money. I couldn’t contain my joy as I was blown away by grace and the metaphor for my life. My offense was erased from memory; it was as if it had never even happened. Over the next three days, I received 2 more e-mails, a phone call, and a letter telling me my payment had been rejected. They wanted to make sure I got the picture. My roommate described it like this: “The Lord is screaming grace at you.”

Yes, He was. And is. I’m listening. And forever grateful.




John 1:16, “And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

The felt love.

This is an old-school post I wrote for Christ Community Church, but this story is worth a re-visit ...


In a sermon from Luke 7:36-50 by Matt Adair a few weeks ago, he made this statement:

‘The greatest power to set you free from the addictions, afflictions and assorted troubles of this world is the felt love of Jesus.”

I think we can all say we know the difference between believing we are loved and then feeling loved by someone. We have asked members of our church to share stories of a time when they really felt loved by Jesus. There is so much power in the stories of believers, so we hope you are encouraged by these.

Our first post is by protege member Rachael Mirabella:






One day in 2008 I was sitting in my bedroom in Athens shortly after I got back home from a summer mission trip in Peru. I was really wrestling with how to hear the Lord’s voice. I heard Christians I knew talk about it often. They would say, “The Lord told me to do this” or “The Lord told me to go talk to that person.” How in the world did they know that? How could I be sure it wasn’t just my voice talking in my own head? And if we were going to get all hyper-spiritual, how could I be sure it wasn’t the devil talking? Maybe I just wasn’t giving Him the chance to speak?

So I decided to sit down with the Lord and have a chat. I sat on my bed and talked for a while. I told Him all about my fears, insecurities, dreams, hopes, likes, dislikes – just like I would a friend. Then I told Him it was His turn. “Please speak if you have anything to say!” All of a sudden the reference John 20:15 popped in my head. Now I’ve tried the whole flip-open-the-Bible-to-a-random-page-and-see-if-a-verse-applies-to-this-situation trick before. It hadn’t worked. But I decided to skeptically open my Bible and see what John 20:15 had to say. This is what I read: 15 “ ‘Dear woman, why are you crying?’ Jesus asked her. ‘Who are you looking for?’ She thought he was the gardener. ‘Sir,’ she said, “if you have taken him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will go and get him.’ “ I quickly realized I was reading a verse from when Mary Magdalene went to the tomb to find Jesus and could not find him. Then I read the line before verse 15: “It was Jesus, but she did not recognize him.”

I couldn’t believe it. The Lord had spoken directly to me through a verse. And more than that, He had spoken into my mind. I felt so known, so understood, so loved.  ”Okay, Jesus, You’re telling me You are here with me and I just don’t recognize you. Help me to recognize your voice,” I asked. The next day I had a conversation with a believer friend of mine who said, “I usually just assume that if something good, something pure, something servant-minded, or something loving pops into my head – that thought probably did not come from my sinful nature self.” So now that’s how I operate. If I feel drawn towards a certain person in a crowd, I go with it. If the thought pops into my mind to serve my roommate by making her bed, I go with it. That’s the Holy Spirit living inside of me directing my steps and changing my heart to be more like His. And if He lives inside of me, I am known. If He lives inside of me, I am His. And the Bible promises that if I am His, I am loved. That moment was such a defining one for me that my Creator and Savior knows and loves me.

RestoreBrazil.

Hey everybody, it’s Rachael Mirabella (soon-to-be-Boyd!). I was privileged to be one of four leaders on our youth group’s recent mission trip to Brazil. I could talk about a thousand different things from our week in Rio, but I want to share is the two biggest lessons I learned.

Passion for your City

I was floored by the three pastors we worked with while in Rio – one was American and two were Brazilian. You want to see people who love their city? We saw them. As they took us to a church to do VBS, to an orphanage to play with kids, to a homeless shelter surrounded by transvestites, to a street in the City of God (one of the poorest slums in Rio), they were not strangers. These were not places they just take teams of Americans every once in a while to give them an experience. These are places they go, week in and week out, to tell people about Jesus. They bring spiritual and practical restoration to some of the darkest places on earth. They are loved by the people in these places.

The name of their organization, Restore Brazil, is very fitting. That is what they are working towards. And they are working hard! They know their city, they know the needs, and they are working tirelessly to meet them. At first it made me ashamed to think of these pastors coming to Athens. What would they think when they saw how little I knew my city? Then I realized there is no need for shame. Jay, Paulo and Rabsom were very quick to admit that working for restoration is a long process. I don’t need to be ashamed; I need to be inspired.

And I was inspired. I want to know whatever city I live in the future as well as they know Rio de Janeiro. I want our church to know Athens / Watkinsville and work to meet their needs. I want you to go to Brazil, meet these three pastors and all the other wonderful people down there  

God answers prayer

Over and over again, Collin and I prayed for one big thing. We prayed that the Spirit would move. We asked Him to move in our hearts, the hearts of our students, and the hearts of the people in Brazil. The whole trip was pointless if Jesus wasn’t there; He is the one that changes people.

I was blown away moment after moment as I watched God change hearts that week. Some were very small changes, some were very large (our bus driver became a believer!), all were a blessing of grace from Him. Personally, God was working away at my pride and cultivating humility. He by no means achieved perfection in my heart, but He did some good work. He also encouraged my faith by allowing me to see Him answering prayer.

So to recap the two big lessons learned - God answers prayer, and I want to be passionate about my city because my God is passionate about people.

Why Jesus?

I took this post (and several others) off my church blog (www.missionathensblog.com) ... enjoy!

 

In the last two youth group meetings of the school year, leaders Collin Ross & Rachael Mirabella answered the question for their students, “Why Jesus For Me?” Jesus says it is costly to be His disciple in Luke (9:57-62), so why follow? Why did the men back then decide it was worth it (10:1) and why do we think He is worth it?

It was a really fun question to think through and answer.

Collin’s answer – “Jesus treasures the people the world throws away.” The weak, the lame, the sick, the poor, the dumb, the untalented, the unattractive, the hungry, the meek, the poor in spirit, those who mourn … He wants them all.

Rachael’s answer – “Jesus makes this crazy world make sense.” He answers the question of suffering. He answers the question why it seems like bad people get away with bad things. He promises to return. He promises to deal with sin, and He graciously offers His Son as payment. His holiness and glory answers why Jesus asks so much of us.

So, why Jesus for you? Some people call their answer a testimony. 1 Peter 3:15 tells us we should always have an answer for the hope we have. What’s your answer? Why do you follow Jesus? Why is He worth it to you?

Height, Depth, Breadth and Length

    


If you don’t know that Christ Community has a youth group, you’re missing out on knowing one of the greatest groups of people at our church. Not that I’m biased as a leader. Each Wednesday, we usually act as a community group and review the sermons from Sunday gatherings, asking questions and applying the Word deeper into our lives. That’s the goal anyway.

But the last few weeks we have been doing something different. We have opened the book of Ephesians and read through one chapter a week. This past Wednesday, it was my job to go through Ephesians 3 with the students. The first half of the chapter is about how the Gentiles have been added to God’s people through Jesus. Paul calls himself the least deserving of all God’s servants to bring this news to the Gentiles, but he is privileged to do so by God’s grace.

As much as I like the first half of the chapter, the second half is one of my favorite parts in all of Scripture. Paul kneels down before the Father to pray for the people of Ephesus. He had prayed for people in chapter 1, but he begins to pray again for the power of God to come. He prays that Christ would make His home in their hearts. He wants them to have power to understand. What does he want God’s power for? That they might understand the love of Christ. Not just in one dimension, but in three – the height, depth, breadth and length (3:18). That describes a shape that is three dimensional. It’s literally an all-encompassing love. 

It is a love that surpasses knowledge. And when we have the power to understand that love, we are filled with the fullness of God (3:19). Forgive me if I am wrong, but that sounds a lot like the Holy Spirit filling us and us becoming more aware of His presence in our lives. Jesus possessed the fullness of God (Colossians 1:19, 2:9). He understood God’s love for Him. He acted out in it. And what happened when Jesus acted out of that love?

Miracles.

Verse 20 tells us that God is able to do more than we might ever ask or think through the power at work within us. I’m not saying we’re going to raise the dead. I never have and probably never will. I think that’s a miracle reserved for God. But it is a miracle when I am able to act in true humility or love selflessly or give grace when I am hurt. When those things happen, I know the love of Jesus has really changed me. His power has overtaken me as I experience the three dimmensional, all-encompassing nature of His love.

Let’s pray together with Paul that we as a church would be able to understand the love of Christ through God’s power. All this to His glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. (Ephesians 3:21).

Daughter, Bride, Temple.

Just what is an identity?

When you enroll in classes in college, you become a college student. On your wedding day, you take on a new role as a spouse. When you have a child, you become a parent. Maybe you see your identity as "employed" or "unemployed", "friend" or "loner", "reader" or "musician", "introverted" or "extroverted". We label ourselves and give ourselves identities or the outside world does. Some identities you have no control over. When you're born into a family, you immediately become a daughter or son, and perhaps a sibling.

But here’s the real question I want to get at, what does God say about identity? The Bible tells us God has many identities - Father, Counselor, Lord (Master), Savior, etc. So by telling me who He is, in response He tells me who I am. As I took a walk by myself the other night, I thought of three identities He has given me that really change everything. They tell me that He loves me. They tell me I am taken care of. They tell me I am always at home with Him. They tell me I am never alone. Though I may often forget these things, that does not make these identities untrue. They unfold from His trinitarian nature. Let me explain -

1. Because God is my Father, I am His daughter.

John 1:12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,

Galatians 3:26 for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

2 Corinthians 6:18 and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”

So He provides for me, takes care of me emotionally, and protects me.

2. Because Jesus is my Bridegroom, I am a bride.

Hosea 2:16 “And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’

Ephesians 5:25-26, 31-32: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ... “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Revelation 19:7-9 Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
8 it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.9 And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”

So He has made an eternal covenant with me, knows me, and loves me passionately.

3. Because the Holy Spirit dwells within me, I am His temple.

Galatians 4:6 And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!”

John 14:26-28a 26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 28 You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’

1 Corinthians 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

So He is always with me, makes me capable of obeying Him, and brings me peace.

Our God is bigger than we will ever understand; it took him 66 books to explain Himself, what He has done for us, and how He feels about us. He is far more than what I have written above, but He is very much those things above. In the same way, we are far more than what I have written above, but we are very much those things above.

Today I am so thankful that grace upon grace is mine because of God's fullness. I am His daughter, His bride, and His temple. I am protected, loved, and never alone. Though I know I am unworthy of such love, He deems me worthy, so I will choose to revel in the beauty that has become mine.

The Gospel is Everywhere - Sean McConnell

Last night as I sat in the dimly lit Melting Point in Athens surrounded by some wonderful friends, I experienced what I've heard called a gospel moment. What exactly is a gospel moment? I think it's when you become astounded, if only for an instant, by the beauty of God's plan of redemption. When you realize the beauty of God's original intention for His creation. When you encounter something so harmonious, or gracious, or majestic that you are convinced again that God is good. In case a definition of the gospel is needed, here is Webster's definition:

gospel |ˈgäspəl|1 the teaching or revelation of Christ : it is the Church's mission to preach the gospel.• (also gospel truth) a thing that is absolutely true : they say it's sold out, but don't take that as gospel.
And if you want one from Scripture, Romans 1:16; 3:22-24, "For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes - the Jew first and also the Gentile . . . We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins." (I am also not ashamed that this is from the NLT version).
So the gospel, in a nutshell, is that we are declared righteous through Jesus' death and resurrection though we don't deserve it. But the thing is, the gospel really can't be explained in a nutshell. A wise man at my church once said it only takes about 3 chapters in Genesis to realize how screwed up humankind is, and it takes the rest of the 66 books to describe God's love for them. And God has also revealed Himself in every facet of His creation. So as I see the gospel played out on this earth, I want to write about it. Without further adieu - a brief description of my gospel moment with Sean McConnell.


Sean and his pianist walked onstage and began playing the most beautiful song I may have ever heard. I was lost in the experience; I can't even tell you the exact lyrics. It was something about Praise Be to God. But what really spoke to me was the way the melody and harmony blended together. Their voices were enough to melt me. The strum of the guitar mixed with the jazzy piano was mesmerizing. The rhythm of it all kept perfect time. I couldn't help but think that this is what heaven's music will sound like. There was a peace and a harmony in the way it all worked together to create a beautiful sound. Surely this is a reflection of God's intention for creation. Peace, harmony, melody, beauty.
If you compared the world to a mirror, it has been broken (not shattered) by sin, so the reflection of God is cracked and tainted. But it can still be seen. And I am convinced that in the songs of Sean McConnell, a glimpse of who God is shines through. At least that's what happened for me last night.


This video isn't the greatest quality, but this was one of my favorites of his last night: A Prayer You Can Borrow.
More gospel moments to come I'm sure.

Revolutionary Friends.

I just want to say real quick, I have revolutionary friends.

I’ve known this for a couple years now. There was one day I was sitting back and reflecting on the beautiful gift of friendship the Lord has graced me with and it hit me. Not only are my friends wonderful people, they’re going to change things. They’re going to change this world for the better. In many ways they already have.

I looked up the definition of revolution. It reads: ‘a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized or in people's ideas about it.’ I love that. A dramatic and wide-reaching change. The internet has revolutionized the way people gather information, Facebook has revolutionized the way we communicate and Apple has revolutionized - in their own words - everything. Everything technology anyway.

But I think these people I keep mentioning are going to revolutionize the world in a different way. They’re going to change it in the name of Jesus. They’re going to change it through love. I used to like the mental image of the Lord bringing people at UGA together in Athens for a short period of time to learn from each other and love each other, then literally scattering across the nations to proclaim His name. It’s beginning to happen. They’re spread across Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Louisiana, Colorado, California, Washington, The Gambia, Switzerland, Bolivia. Then there are the friends I know from other walks of life in Fayetteville, Chicago, Virginia, Florida, Indiana, Honduras, Peru, Germany, some soon to be traveling to Columbia and Zambia. They’re taking mission trips to Watoto and Scotland and Israel this summer.

Forgive me if there are places/people I forgot to mention here. And I couldn’t count on my fingers and toes the number of people I still know in this city that are changing it as they die to themselves and live for the King of the Universe, including four beautiful women I share a home with.

Maybe I’m bragging - but I’m bragging on them. Their friendship is a gift to me, not something I’ve earned. And they’re going to shine light in the dark places on this earth in Jesus’ name. I think so highly of them. I’m so thankful for them. And I’m beyond pumped to watch their lives unfold.

Love changes things. Grace makes life beautiful. They’ll be bringing both from the original source to the ends of the earth.

We don't fully understand love.

So, I'm a thinker. I'm not void of emotions; I actually feel a lot. But I am always thinking. Unfortunately, my thoughts are hardly ever linear. For this reason, I have a hard time explaining my thoughts to others, and I have a hard time coming to conclusions. This whole concept that I'm about to write about has been mulling around in my head for weeks, maybe months. Finally, talking this through with Paige the other day helped me organize my thoughts. She does that for me often.

I'm not exactly sure what this idea is supposed to do for you, or for me. Maybe this is just to convince us that His ways really are higher than ours, and His thoughts higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). Maybe it's to help explain this crazy world and how a loving God could be in charge of it all. Heck, maybe I'm wrong about this whole thing. (I told you I was bad about coming to conclusions). But over and over again, I keep coming back to that love is what this world is all about, what our God is all about. So naturally, it's always on my mind ....

We don’t fully understand love.

Here’s why I say this:

We like love from our significant others or friends because it feels good. It’s attractive to us.

We like love from our parents when it’s providing for us. But we don’t like love from our parents when it’s telling us what to do. We rebel against its authority. It doesn’t feel as good when it tells us we’re doing things wrong, even though that’s exactly what parents are commanded to do (Proverbs 22:6).

We want love to always feel good. We mistake love always being affirming and kind for always giving us what we want. That is not love. Love shouldn’t propel us towards selfishness, because selfishness is not best for us. Being loved tempts us to hoard it when it should prompt us to give our lives away to love others.

Romans 13:10 is my favorite definition of love. ‘Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of the law.’ Bam. Since God is love (1 John 4:8), He does no wrong to us. He does not wrong us. And since Jesus fulfilled the requirements of the law for us (because we cannot), He is love. [By the way, the second half of the verse shouldn’t be that shocking, since Jesus Himself said all the commandments could be summed up by loving God and loving people - Matthew 22:37-40. Also check Romans 13:8-9.]

Sometimes, love needs to tell us we’re an idiot. In order to love Job, God needed to put him in his place (Job 38). In order to love Jonah (and the Ninevites), God needed to put him in a whale (Jonah 1:17). He also tells Jonah he’s being a whiner later in the book (Jonah 4). In order to love Joseph, God allowed him to be put in a pit (Genesis 37:23, 50:20). In order to love King David, God punishes him for adultery (2 Samuel 12:7-18). Note that God did not punish him forever; He soon blessed David with another child because He loved him (2 Samuel 12:24-25). In order to love Ruth, God let her first husband die, then later sends her a kinsman-redeemer (Ruth 1:3-4, Ruth 4:13-14). In order to love Paul, God put a thorn in his side (2 Corinthians 12:6-10). In order to love the world, God sacrificed His Son (John 3:16). In that moment, I don’t believe love felt good to God. What a sacrifice - to let His Son suffer so that He could have us, too.

How sweet is it that God’s love encompasses all types. He is our Father (1 John 3:1), and He disciplines those He loves (Hebrews 12:6, Revelation 3:19). He calls Himself our friend - our loyal, constant, encouraging friend (Isaiah 41:8, John 15:13,15). He calls Himself our lover (Hosea 2:16, Song of Solomon) - our intimate, faithful, passionate lover. So He is always for us (Romans 8:28-32), and He does no wrong to us (Romans 13:10); it’s us who doesn’t understand what’s best for us. I heard someone say once that God knows how to love us better than we know how to love ourselves. Our self-love is all about me, and that’s not actually what’s best for us. What’s best for us is making our lives all about the Perfect God of the Universe - in other words, accepting and reflecting His love to the world around us.

And I have to mention my favorite part of the virtue love - it never fails. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). Hallelujah. These promises of His love stand forever. Forever. Till the end of time.

We will never love perfectly. I think that’s why we have such a hard time understanding love, because everyone on this earth perverts love in some way, even with the best intentions. But we cannot say that he/she/He does not love me just because it doesn’t feel good at the moment. That is a very shallow understanding of the word love. A lot of times love does feel good, but not always. So will you trust God that He is doing what is best for you - whether it’s rebuking, correcting, encouraging or blessing? He does each of these not to tear us down or make us weak, but to build us up in Himself.

We don’t fully understand love. If we did, we would fully understand God. And who is ready to claim that?

You resonate in the ever-changing me.

My original title for this entire blog was, “It was Jesus but she did not recognize him.” That came from a life-changing moment in my tiny room in Club Fitty when I was begging to hear the Lord’s voice. I didn’t know His voice, or so I thought. John 20:15 came to mind randomly, so not knowing what the verse said, I semi-skeptically looked it up. I was shocked. The title comes from the end of verse 14. He was telling me He was there with me, I just wasn’t recognizing His voice. That day I surely did.

I love that. I would venture to say that Jesus is always right with us, we just fail to recognize him. Maybe we’re not looking. Maybe we are and still can’t seem to find him. But I am 100% confident that when we seek Him, we will eventually find Him, our just and lovely Savior [Jeremiah 29:13, Matthew 7:7]. So don’t give up.

But now I really wanted to change things up on here. You might not care, but this is my little corner of cyberspace and I want to take care of it :) I’m changing the title because I find myself changing in so many ways. Maybe you don’t notice, or haven’t noticed, but I know. So the new title ....

You resonate in the ever-changing me.

Two reasons why:

1. I feel like I’m always changing, and I see it as a positive thing. I look back at the me in high school and wonder who that girl was. I look back at the me a year ago and wonder why any of my roommates liked me. I look back at the me three months ago and feel like I’ve grown ten-fold. I think it has something to do with grace. Okay I’m lying, I know it has everything to do with grace.

You see, there’s something in my personality that always yearns for more. Why would I ever stay the same when I know there is so much more I could be? There’s always something else to learn, to implement, to enjoy. I don’t know why this is, but I always want to be like this. I always want to yearn to know more about the God who created me and loves me and then show the world.

2. Resonate. Mmm, how I love that word. Webster’s definition of this word is to produce or be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound. There is something so great about this to me. When something resonates with me, it touches my soul. Music can do this, love can do this, emotion can do this, truth can do this. The “You” in my title is Jehovah, the same God yesterday, today and forever. He resonates in the ever-changing me. He is the reason for change. Anything good in me is from Him. He resonates in me because He lives in me, and it is undeserved. Hallelujah.

Yahweh, Yahweh, great is Your glory, You go before me. Oh we sing, holy, holy, Your ways are lovely, so high above me. - Needtobreathe.

This feels right.

Somewhere in the land of cyberspace, my beautiful roommate Christine Kaufman has written a similar blog post. But since I cannot find said blog post, I wanted to write my own thoughts on a subject that has become a buzzword in our household and among friends. You can’t live without it; you must live by it. Without it, your actions seem wayward and meaningless. It’s an explanation for all your actions, or at least it should be. It can help you make major life decisions. It’s a life motto.

Now before you write life mottos off like some sort of new years resolution you never stick to, hear me out. We take these very seriously, as you will soon see. Here’s a taste of a few ....

I’ll start with my own, that only seems fair. If you know me, you may have heard me say this once or a thousand times. “If it feels right, do it.” This is a branch and tiny expansion of my response to the constant question, “Why’d you do that, Rae?” It felt right! Now this statement requires a strong moral compass and ethical values, neither of which I have. I’m kidding - sorta. This life motto is neither godly nor super inspiring. I could’ve chosen the golden rule, something about it being more blessed to give than receive, or live like you’re going to die tomorrow. Whatever. I like mine. I live by it, and it hasn’t failed me yet. Yet. Or has it?

“If you feel it, do it. / Do what you feel.” by the wonderful Katuschka Rakovec. It may seem slightly similar to mine at first glance, but this life motto fully captures who she is. If you feel something, do it. And do it like you feel it! Don’t hide. Don’t be fearful. Show your emotion. Do it big. Be passionate! If you need an example of how to do this, just watch her.

“Fake it till you make it.” by the great and brilliant Jonathan Janos. I really like this one. How many of us feel this way? Like we’re faking it all the time - we’re not that confident in what we’re doing. But if we can make people believe that we are, maybe, just maybe, we’ll make it. You may hate this one. I think it’s hilarious. Jonathan is on his way to Germany to serve us as an engineer in the army for the next three years. He has now made it, and I don’t know if there was actually much faking involved.

“You win some, you lose more.” by my favorite Paige in the whole world. She is now ready to kill me, because this isn’t her actual life motto. But you may hear her say it every once in a while as a joke. Her real life motto is, “For His glory and my joy.” Borrowed from John Piper, we’ve now moved into the more godly realm. She really does live her life this way, though, to the best of her ability. It’s inspiring to me every day.

“Where you invest your love, you invest your life.” by my best friend Mary Griffith. Also a borrowed quote, from the band-craze-for-a-good-reason Mumford and Sons, this one rings so true. She’s practicing that daily. We all are, really. If we invest our love in ourselves, we invest our lives in ourselves, which proves empty. If we invest our love in the Lord, we will reap what we sow. A lot of times that looks like investing our love in other people, that they might know the truth.

“Perspective is everything; God is good.” by the aforementioned Christine Kaufman. I love, love, love this one. Chew on that all day. Perspective is everything absolutely. Attitude can be a choice. And when you know and trust and believe that God is good, there is always beauty rising from the ashes. Always. God is always good, so life is never hopeless.

I cannot currently remember Katie Crosby’s because it’s long and inspiring and borrowed from a catechism maybe, but just know that it’s good. And godly. Like her. I’ll take this opportunity and say she’s a person I feel so privileged to have spent some time with so far this year.

Why do I only have girls’ life mottos on here besides Jonathan? Maybe I just haven’t asked the males I know. Or maybe they don’t buy into it as much. Mistake. You should think on your life motto. I always want to hear other people’s if they have one.

A few suggestions if you’re struggling for one -

“No pain, no gain.” Good for work-out nuts and discipline freaks.

“Hey, it’ll make a good story some day.” To be used with discretion.

“No risk, no reward.” For all you dreamers.

“Hakuna Matata.” Ohh, Timon, you are so wise.

“It’s better to be hated for who I really am, then loved for who I am not.” A-freakin-men.

Why did I write this silly blog post? Refer to the title. Works every time.

I Have a New Heart

I have a new heart. I know it. I know it because of what I just wrote in my journal -

‘I have died to the law so that I might live for God!’ I want to stop trying to follow the rules. Figuring out what’s wise. Figuring out what’s best. What’s best for me. What’s best for them. Blah blah blah. I want to live for God! All of those things are good, but I have so much trouble making decisions. I want to live for God. I want to please Him with every decision. My heart’s desire is to love Him and love people - the new heart that He has given me anyway.

I am so incredibly selfish in my flesh. I found myself trying to explain that to a friend the other day. I really am, more than most people I think. When I got the chance to love and help a woman in need a few weeks ago, I had to battle selfishness at every turn. Every time I chose to continue to love her, I knew it was only because of Jesus. I could rejoice at selflessness knowing, "This is what my Savior has done for me." And as I laid down on the couch that night, I found myself telling the Lord, "I'm putting all my eggs in Your basket! I am fully banking on that You are who You say You are, or this is foolish. Foolish because I'm putting all my natural selfishness aside."

My flesh's heart wants to do what's best for me. That looks like taking control of how I use my time - to make sure I get everything done the way I want it and look successful. But I'm beginning to give that up. I'm starting to see the beauty in process and taking things slow and doing what's best for other people. I haven't even come close to accomplishing it. But I have a new heart, and so I know that it's possible. And life is more beautiful that way. Giving my life away. Not living in fear. Being selfless. Letting go of everything I thought I knew and living for God.

This might sound like a radical transition. Maybe it is, or maybe it's not changing the 'what' but just the 'why.' In other words, maybe it's not changing everything I do, but the heart behind it. I want the heart behind why I do things to always be the new heart I have been given and not my natural, sinful one. Does that make sense?

Call me out on it if you think I'm not following through with what I say. Tell me if you think I'm making/not making decisions out of fear. Tell me how you think I can be freer. Iron truly does sharpen iron, right?

Make Him Known

Take a moment and read from me something I wrote on July 21, 2009. I was in Florence, Italy at the time:

I exist to know God and make Him known.

To love God and make known His love.

To enjoy God and make known His joy.

To praise God and make known his glory.

To trust God and make known his trustworthiness.

To listen to God and make known His voice.

To see God and make known His hands.

To wrestle with God and make known His infallibility.

To rest with God and make known His rest.

To go to Heaven with God and make known the path.

I love all of those, really, but tonight especially "wrestling with God and making known His infallibility" sticks out. Hallelujah to a God who is real and can stand against any test, any argument. I'm a natural doubter. Bummer. But His infallibility has shown through to me over and over again. And I'll probably question Him again tomorrow. But He loves me and is gracious enough to show Himself to me as I ask.

We exist for Him. And it's better than existing for ourselves. More painful in the short run, but much more grandiose in the long run. I love it.