The Right Question

Just the other night I sat at Trappeze and talked with a girl for an hour about our class presentation for the next day. The presentation was on a book of Native American Philosophy and specifically an argument against Western Christian thought. We're both pastor's kids, which is funny, but she has taken a very different path of belief than I have.

While driving home from downtown, I found myself wondering, "Jesus YOU are the light of the world. Did she see that? Does she like me? Did she think I was intelligent?"

Then I realized those last two questions are bad questions. Whether or not she likes me is actually negligible. It won't win her to Christ and really only serves the purpose of making me feel better about myself.

Then I asked myself, "Did she feel loved by me?" That felt like the right question. Her liking me is about me, but her feeling loved makes it about her. I don't care if she thinks I'm cool (Well, my flesh does, but it really shouldn't matter).

I've heard before, "People won't remember what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

I want people to walk away from me feeling loved - always.

To be honest, I feel like you have to give up cool points to do that. It means never cutting anyone down or making jokes at their expense. It means making the conversation about the other person. It means complementing and encouraging; giving up pride and beating insecurity.

I probably won't get it right every time, but I know it's the right question to ask and action to take. Challenge me on it.

Ya Know?

Who has time to blog these days?

My thoughts are soon to come if my life ever slows down .....

Involuntary Rerouting

Home from the travels. 7 cities in 14 days. Oh baby.

I'll give a highlight (or two) of each one:
Belfast - Protestant Parade. Me, "Are we here on a national holiday?". Catholic hotel concierge, "I don't get it and I don't care." Alright then. There's a crazy history there.
Galway - Cliffs of Insanity aka Cliffs of Moher. That's pronounced mo'hair. But really. It was beautiful. Oh and GILZEAN. So glad he came :)
Dublin - Harry Potter 6. Yeah Ron. And I'll be transferring to Trinity College soon.

Rome - My favorite city by far. Everything was incredible, but St. Peter's Basillica stunned me.
Florence - Sunset at Piazza Micheangelo overlooking the city. And David, of course.
Venice - Aimlessly wandering through the narrow cobblestone streets that dead end into water. Bliss.
Cortona - Anna and Brit's (and all the students) art exhibition. And the endless hours of conversation over cappuccino and gelato.

Then when we got to the airport to go home, we found out they overbooked our flight and we didn't make it on. We got a flight coupon for a direct Delta flight the next day. The reason stated on the ticket? "Involuntary Rerouting." Hah. Yeah, I'd say. I could write out all the clever lessons me and Paige decided we could learn from that phrase, but really I want to write out my thoughts from St. Peter's Basillica. Sorry it took me so long to get to the point. Good writers are only supposed to focus on one subject at a time. Whoops.

Standing in Vatican City with our tour guide, she prepared us for what we would see inside the Church. She promised we would step in and say, wow. Usually when people tell me that my immediate reaction is, well now I probably won't. But walking in, I laughed out loud because the only word that would come to my mind was wow. I don't know how to describe it. I could have stared at the infinite amount of intricate sculptures and the majestic golden linings on the walls for hours. Everything in there was precious, and I don't mean cute. I mean cherished, treasured. Everything had meaning. There wasn't a stone laid by accident. And we were in the Eternal City.

After walking around, I just stood up against one of the pillars, lisening to the voices of a choir singing as Mass began. Wondering at the majesty of it all, I started to think about how I could never create a place like that. I have neither the skill, power nor money. I cannot offer the Lord anything that majestic. We could sit around and debate all day whether or not the Basillica actually honors Him, but my point is that even if I wanted to, I could not in that way.

What I have to offer is my life, my heart. I want my heart to be decorated as preciously, gloriously and purposefully for Him. I want to dedicate and decorate my life beautifully and thoughtfully for Jesus. It takes time. I can't take the easy road and shortcuts as I love to do in every class I've ever taken. It means sanctification, allowing my sins to be revealed and truly turning away from them. I want my life to be a masterpiece for Jesus. I have to develop the skill of having my life glorify Him. It won't be easy, and it will only be by His grace and Spirit.

Bring it on, senior year.

A Letter

Dear God,

I feel like I'm missing out on what's going on in Your Kingdom right now. And it's my fault. What's the matter with me? Is it because I feel as though I don't need you? Following You is really hard in America, where because we're free it's 'easy.' When does loving your family become a bad thing? It's the only thing stopping me from moving away and being a missionary. And do I really love them? Not enough to ask the hard questions, or to give the sometimes hurtful truth. I know what I should do constantly and then don't. I'm so weak. Again, I want to blame it on America and not really 'needing' You at all times, but the truth is, it's my sinful heart. My sinful heart wants to be lazy and not have to work hard at a relationship. 'You want me to do what???' I ask. 'But I already had to confess that lie and ask for forgiveness for that hurtful thing I said. I have to do it again?' I don't want to. I just don't want to, because I love comfort more than I love You. And until I decide otherwise, I will sit in misery. I will constantly know I am missing out on Your movement and Kingdom on this earth that I have loved being a part of this past year. I have so much room to grow. God, I have so much to learn. I am stinkin' worthless without You. My pride shows up in the craziest places. Sometimes I disguise it as 'self-respect' but I almost wish I didn't have any right now. It disgusts You; I know it does. Like how I don't want to post this letter to You for anyone else to read, but because of that I must. You are the only Love that has broken through my pride -- please continue to do so. My only plea can be for You to open my eyes even more to your crazy Love. Your crazy, sacrificial, perfect, romantic, words-can't-even-describe, Heavenly, dying love that I will never be able to fully grasp or give. That is what will break me down once again. Break me down into a radical for You who can't wait to get back to spend more time with You. Teach me what I know I'm missing. Show me Your Kingdom. Show me Your love, though I don't deserve it. I am miserable without it.

Adonai

I think in our American selfishness we tend to focus on Romans 8:28, which tell us that God works all things together for our good. So when things don't seem to be working for our good, we get mad. But what does it mean for all things to work together for our good?

John Piper might shed a little light on the subject. He talks about how God is actually for Himself .. for us. He knows He is best for us, that His glory is the ultimate, and that He is completely love. Therefore, He is for Himself, but that is really what's best for us. Here's the link to the transcript of his sermon: Is God For Us or For Himself?

I think when we decide to follow Christ we should consider more Matthew 16:24-25, "If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Deny myself. Ouch. Give up my plans for my life in trust that He will do me one better. Stop thinking about my needs and trusting Him to meet them. Not thinking of my time as my own, ever. I trust His character more than I trust mine, but that doesn't make it much less painful.

This life is not about me. Period. It's about Him. How do I fit into the story?

What do you think? I'm curious.

For the Least of These

There's a Christian bookstore in Athens. After 3 years of wondering why there wasn't one, I found it yesterday. It's on Chase Street of Prince Ave and it's called the Carpenter's Shop. You should go. It has everything you could ever want.

I found a book there about world hunger. Semi-scoffing at the idea the author has of solving world hunger, I opened to the middle and began reading on the page that just so happened to be about this man's encounter with Mother Teresa. He went to visit her, and the very first thing she did was take his hand. She grabbed his fingers and as she pushed them down one by one, she said, "Remember this - 'for...the...least...of...these.'" One word for each finger. I don't think I'll ever forget it. And her words are backed up by the testimony of her life. The author commented that more than anything, Mother Teresa showed her love by touching the 'untouchable' and unwanted people. He said their faces lit up when she entered the room. I want to be that. Mother Teresa was poor. Ordinary. Yet her love for people through Jesus drove her to do what she did. There are most likely others who are doing the same thing but don't get the recognition from this world, but Jesus sees it. I want that.

Her advice to him: "Go out and love the people who are near you." That's all she was doing. That's what this world needs. There are people in every neighborhood, in every city, around every corner who need love. It's ordinary, and yet, it makes all the difference in the world.

I remembered another Mother Teresa quote I read last summer that shapes the way I act and think: 'We claim a loving, forgiving, humble God, but are we the living proof?' To be that for even 5 people in this world, that is enough. To be that for even 1 person maybe. For the least of these. In a way, we're all a least of these.

Fruit Loops

Wesley rocked house tonight.

The speaker guy man talked about a lot of great things that I needed to hear. What I want to write about and expand my thoughts on is the subject of a tree bearing fruit.

Jesus says as a tree bears fruit, so we will bear fruit when we become His children. John 15:1-5, He is the vine and we are the branches. No one can bear fruit apart from Him.

But the guy man brought up a really good point - trees don't struggle to bear fruit. They just ... do it. It's what trees do. Trees bear fruit, no questions asked. So why shouldn't it be the same with us, those of us who are God's children?

I feel like I struggle with this daily. I constantly second guess myself on whether or not I'm doing the right thing or if I should've hung out with that other person or gone to that other thing. I always wonder if I'm making a difference and feel as though I am not. I don't talk about Jesus to people as much as I wish I did.

But it shouldn't be a struggle. A relationship with Jesus is somewhat a struggle, because it's a relationship with an unseen God, and every relationship takes work no matter what. But bearing fruit should not be a struggle. It should be a natural part of who I am as redeemed.

So taking a look at my daily life, I am most certainly trying to live for Jesus. I try to make decisions based on what will bring Him the most glory. Am I achieving those things? Am I bearing fruit? I think it's a good question for anyone to ask. And if the answer is no, then why not? Is it because we're trying to bear fruit on our own when really the only way is when we're intimately connected with the vine?


And then I hear the words of guy man one more time. Jesus really likes you. He loves you. If I'm going to say it to other people, I must believe it for myself. He likes me. Does He like what I'm doing? I sure hope so. I continue to ask for leading, although many times it seems silent. We can never go wrong when we give our lives for others, since according to 1 John 2 we ought to walk in the way Jesus did.

But now I'm just rambling. Oh, to walk in the way Jesus did. Bearing fruit. Giving our lives unto death. Ouch.